Lily
by Spillingvelvet
Summary: A character study of Lily Evans-Potter. Lily's life and relationship with her sister are explored. While nothing is explicit or distasteful, an older audience may enjoy this more.


Lily is five. Her wild red hair never stays in its barrettes, her nose is always running. Mother kisses her mouth anyway, and lets her smear her strawberry fingers across her apron. Mother kisses Petunia on the cheeks and makes her eat with a fork and her hair always stays in its place.

Lily crawls into Petunia's bed some nights and twines her chubby little fingers into Petunia's dark, straight hair. Petunia rubs her back sleepily and Lily falls asleep with her thumb securely in her mouth. _I love my sister_, she thinks, _I love her so much_.

---

Lily is seven. She chases fireflies and beetles and runs gaggle-legged in their yard. Her flaming hair flies around her face when she whirls around and around and falls breathlessly onto her back.

Petunia is on the porch talking to their mother and helping to shell peas and Lily watches her through the porch-railing slats and picks at the grass absently. Lily pretends to shell peas and thinks Petunia is the best person in the world.

Their mother sees Lily and smiles and waves and gets up to kiss her sun-kissed cheeks. "My special baby," Her mother murmurs and Petunia stays on the porch and frowns into the bowl.

---

Lily is eleven. She spies a shining, snowy owl through her window and something inexplicable leaps in her chest. His beak is empty, and her Mother comes bursting through her door. Lily stands up on her bed - wild hair and long, white nightgown - and lets herself be hugged tearfully and swung around the room by her father.

"A miracle!" Her mother cries and clasps her hands to her chest. Lily is so happy her heart feels as though it will burst. Her father brings her a pink rose and it explodes in bloom when Lily grasps the stem.

Petunia watches from the doorway and scowls.

"You're a freak," she hisses when Lily comes to her room that night. "Get out and don't ever touch me,"

Lily cries herself to sleep that night and wonders what she did wrong.

---

Hogwarts is massive and scary in the distance and Lily grips the edges of her boat with iron fingers on the long, splashy journey across the lake. The steps are just a little too high for her feet to climb, and she's breathless at the summit.

She sorts and smiles, happy to be in Gryffindor, because she knows its the best. She's dreamt of that gleaming, golden lion.

Lily writes letters to her sister. Long letters with her new quill and her rolled parchment, and she sends them with her new owl. She tells her about learning to make feathers fly and what goes inside a forgetfulness potion. She tells her about a noisy boy with glasses who follows her in the library. Petunia never responds.

---

Lily comes home in the summer. She has frog spawn in her pockets and it makes Petunia vomit when she's going laundry. Lily chases fireflies still, but now they chase her back and dance around her when she twirls.

Petunia does her physics summer-work at the kitchen table. She scowls at her paper and erases often.

Lily writes an essays on levitation, mutters incantations, and her spoon rattles in its place.

Petunia stops doing her schoolwork in the evenings.

---

Lily is seventeen and thinks she might be in love. He has dark hair and glasses and his name is James. He gives her roses that bloom in her hand, and she doesn't think he's a spoiled jerk anymore.

James proposes to Lily in the Great Hall and she blushes and takes the ring and everyone applauds.

Petunia doesn't receive a letter this time.

---

Lily's mother and father have died. It was sudden and unexpected and Lily doesn't have time to cry. Petunia arrives with her mean-faced husband and her belly is swollen, and Lily didn't know she was pregnant.

James holds her hand through the funeral. Remus pats Lily's knee and Sirius gives her a handkerchief.

"My family," she mumbles, lips swollen and salty from the tears that have finally come.

---

Lily is pregnant. She's pregnant and can't tell her sister because Petunia slams the door in her face every time she knocks. She can't tell Petunia though every sisterly instinct is telling her to write a long letter with a ball-point pen and flat, white parchment. Put a real, unmoving stamp in the corner; use an old envelope with lickable adhesive. She wants to write it and send it the Muggle way.

But she can't, and she doesn't. She curls up against James at night and cries onto his chest so that her salt-slick tears make his skin clammy and slick and he never complains. He strokes her hair and rubs her back, right where it aches the most, and she pushes into the dull burning.

"I can't help what I am," She mumbles into his neck and sniffs loudly.

"Well, she can certainly help what she thinks of it," James murmurs.

"She won't." Lily sighs and unfolds onto her back. James rolls and scoots down and rests his cheek on her breast. Her nightgown smells like baby powder and breast milk and the strawberries she ate after dinner.

"That's her problem, then." His breath seeps hotly through the cotton.

"I know," she whispers and her face crumples and she's crying again and James is sitting up and gathering her into his arms.

---

Lily is dead. Dumbledore leaves Harry on Petunia's doorstep with a letter.

Morning comes, and she finds him chewing his fingers and the corner of the envelope. He has an angry-red scar on his forehead and dark hair. She reads the letter outside while Harry gurgles in her arms.

"Oh, Lily." She breathes.

Petunia takes Harry inside.


End file.
